Friday, February 12, 2010

A Day at Disneyland I will never forget...

A Day at Disneyland I will never forget...
It was February 21, 2006, just 3 days after your funeral.
I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do with myself... no hospital room,
no round the clock medications, no feeding tube, no making your food,
my life was gone.
you were gone, in the ground, in a pink casket, with dying flowers on top.
We ran away, what else could we do?
We took Tyson, our lifeline, and ran or more accurately drove and drove.
Where else would we end up, but Disneyland? The place where we’d found so
much happiness before.
So we went...
and it was a mess, or I was a mess.
I didn’t see or realize that I would never want to be in the Happiest Place on
Earth when my child was in the ground, in a grave, buried.
Who could know what they would feel? Who SHOULD know how that feels?
“Tyson deserves this. He’s been stuck in a hospital room forever.”
And that was true.
But I was heartbroken and I did NOT want to be there.
I tried. I put on a happy face for Tys when he was meeting Mickey, I smiled
as he ran around Tom Sawyer’s Island, and I took
pictures still. But I wasn’t in them.
I was doing the best I could but nothing could be okay unless you came back.
No one could tell me which princess you would have loved, which character would
be your favorite, which ride you’d adore and beg for,
or what toy you would want.
I will never know those things and Disneyland will never be the same...
... ever again.
That day was just a beginning for the life I would lead from then on.
I still hurt, cry and wonder when I’m at Disneyland,
and I always will.

Credits: All scrap stuff from Forrester's Wish Collab Kit. Paper, Clouds, Crown and Mickey Balloon by Lauri Ann HGD, Frame and Heart frame by Kristen, Dandelions by dinskip, Ribbon and glitter trail by Diamante,