I suffer from depression a lot - which comes from the heartache I have over my girls' dying and leaving a hole in my heart. Tonight I am especially missing my ChloeeBug. I just can't get over the fact that she would be 5. Her birthday was last month. I keep dwelling on the things that I will just never know - her hair color and her likes and dislikes, would she be a picky eater, would she love or hate soccer and dance? would she be a daddy's girl or a mama's girl? would she dress up or be a tomboy? what would her favorite toy be?
Of some things, I can be somewhat certain. I know that her eyes would be blue and I think she would have been my shyest child.... quiet and sweet. But I don't know and that is killing me. It literally feels like a knife in my heart when I think about it.
I scrapped this page awhile ago for her called A Beautiful DayDream:
Kit Credit: Project B
I've also been thinking a lot about how our lives changed forever the moment she was hospitalized. I became a different person and my life is organized by "before Chloee" and "after Chloee". I did a page recently using Creations by Rachael's kit Ouchies to document that:
of us that night. We got her bloodwork done, and left the hospital to grab a bite to eat at McDonald’s down the street. At McDonald’s, I received the phone call that rocked our world. Chloee’s bloodwork was wrong and we had to go back to the ER to get it checked. As we drove back, I had a bad feeling inside of me. And when they checked her bloodwork in the ER, they knew something was horribly, horribly wrong with her
We were admitted to the hospital that night and found out in the next days that our precious daughter had a
terminal illness. That day changed our lives forever.
On her birthday, I spent a few hours making a kit in her memory. And tonight I decorated my blog using it. It made me feel a little better and I'd like to give that kit out tonight as a special gift to the world in her memory :)
Here's my kit Princess Chloee:
Enjoy :) And instead of paying for this kit, next time you hear about a sick kid or children's hospital drive, donate something!
Download Expired - it will be a Charity Kit soon!
Hugs to you :) Denise aka A Grieving Mommy